How many of us grew up thinking we had to have just one BFF? It couldn’t be more than one because then that’s too many to be the “best”, right? Same. I grew up learning that I had to have a best friend. This influence came from watching other people in my life all have best friends. And the concept of being your own best friend didn’t really exist. Or it wasn’t spoken about.
So, that meant that if I didn’t have a best friend, I was not normal or cool or living the expectations laid by those before me. So started the search.
1. My First Bestie…
However, I didn’t have a best friend until I was 15. See, all through elementary school I had two friends who I couldn’t decide between, so I didn’t. During my teen years, I was graced with this wonderful friend who moved to my city, from India. She was my age, had the same sibling structure I had, and had many of the same interests. Finally, I could say I had a BFF.
As life would have it, she had to move back to India and leave me lost without a best friend. And without someone to help me bounce my life situations off of, what could I do? Back in the day, we didn’t have FaceTime or even yet, Facebook! So we lost track of each other. In those years, I did have friends but no one I could call my best friend. No one I could share my experiences with, and no one to validate my life for me.
Fast forward to my adult years, and I have come to realize that trust is really important in friendships. I have been hurt one too many times to ever consider one single person my best friend. Because those words mean more than just someone in your life. Those words meant ultimate trust, ride or die.
I have learned that when it comes to other people and friendship, we are to use the BFF term loosely. Relying on one person to dance with you till death may not be the right approach after all. They have their own life, troubles, families, and other friends too.
2. Hello? Is it You You’re Looking for…
However, what I have realized is that more than anyone out there, you need to be your own best friend. I mean, if you don’t like you then why should anyone else? According to this one study, people would rather do something, even negative than be left in a room by themselves. If you can’t stand being alone with yourself, why would anyone else want to be around you?
Its very important for your mental and emotional health to work on getting to know who you are and doing things that make you happy sans anyone else.
3. Look Inside…
Growing up we are taught to live from the outside. No one ever tells us to go inside and find out who we are, to cultivate our dreams and passions, to tell ourselves that we are beautiful, to cheer us on. And if you are not one of those people, because people told you to do these things… then go thank them. You may not have become this version of your self without their support to help you, be you.
On the other hand if you didn’t get that encouragement, then the universe has brought you here to read these words. And you now know this is your time to become the best version of yourself by being your own best friend. Meditation is a powerful source to quiet your mind and look deeper within yourself for who you are and who you are truly meant to be. Even sitting quietly and contemplating your life when you were a child will help you better understand yourself and why you deserve self love. Don’t know how to meditate? Check out my post here to guide you.
4. Shine Your Light…
We grow up performing the routines of life that are set for us by our predecessors. Go to school, get a degree, find a job, get a 401K, get married (and in my culture, if you are not married in your 20s, you are a failure,ha!), buy a house, have kids, retire, and leave some amount in your Will for your funeral expenses. Grim, ugh. Don’t let your true bestie die inside you. Okay let’s move on.
5. When You Become Your Own Best Friend…
If you really want to be your own best friend, start by living the way you want to live. Explore your passion or passions and chase after what is going to make you so happy. Looking outside for a best friend will inadvertently have you living for someone else’s narrative for you. And having many friend who could all be besties, is a fulfilling life, but not if you don’t like yourself.
The same need you have to take care and love your other best friends is the same fire you need to take care and love the internal best friend. No one will know you like you. They can’t share or understand the experiences you’ve had because they didn’t live or breath these experiences. Their love and support comes from a loving place but they will never be able to understand you the way you need to be understood. And in that case, they can never be better than you being your own best friend.
In Conclusion
The only person who can understand every single bit of who you are and what you have gone through is you. Learn to love yourself, and then learn to trust yourself. Understand that you are not your mistakes. Show yourself lots of love and care (I mean how many post do we have these days on self care?), and show up for yourself. You are not your past or your experiences. You are the best version of your self who is waiting to meet you every day. Are you willing to take the journey to becoming your own best friend?
Featured photo courtesy of pexels.com
Article last updated on April 10, 2021
