What’s the first thing you may think about when someone tells you “you need to focus on yourself!”. For a long time, my response to that statement was – I’m being selfish. As a woman, and Indian that too, I have often found it difficult to cut out the expectations of what I was raised by. When growing up, you rely on your parents and the “village” to raise you into a good human being. And most of what you need comes from your surrounding.
But where is the line drawn from giving you what you need for your physical survival, to imposing questions like, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”. “Don’t question your elders. When they tell you to do something, just do it”. Or the infamous (in my community, at least) “What will people say?”. Regardless of your culture though, the same narrative still rings for most of us. So if you’re stuck in a similar mental rut, here are a few tips to help you start focusing on yourself.
1. Spend Time with Yourself
The first thing to do is to sit in silence. Sit with yourself and gently observe and absorb the person you are today. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, you love you. Even if you don’t, keep doing that every day and soon you will start feeling it. When you do take time out for you, start from a place of gratitude. Be grateful for where you are today and the person you’ve grown to become. Look at your hands or your eyes or your ears and thank them for helping you accomplish life. Example: You wouldn’t be able to scroll through this post or do anything without your fingers/body. Acknowledge it by thanking that part of the body. Soon enough you will start to see how the body you’ve been given is just a reflection of how well you mentally and emotionally take care of it.
Related: How to Become Mentally and Emotionally Strong
2. Do Something for You #SelfCareSundays
Take one day of the week and do something for yourself. Yes, every week! Classify that day with your own hash tag so its something you look forward to every week. Put a reminder on your phone/planner/calendar that lets you know its time to take care of you. Whatever you find relaxing or rejuvenating is something worth doing. Example: Take a bubble bath, put a face mask on, binge a show, meditate for 5 minutes. Whatever brings you joy, do it. And do it often.
Related: Self Care – How to Take Care of Yourself
3. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are really important when it comes to being your own unique self. While some people in your life will try to impose or push ideas and beliefs onto you, it is important and your birth right to make sure that what you end up doing or believing is serving your soul’s purpose and not anyone else’s.
Boundaries however, can be hard to set when you are trying to focus on yourself. We didn’t learn what they were when we were younger and our brains were more pliable, so it’s only natural to feel resistance or selfish when you think you need to throw up the hypothetical STOP sign. Start small. Example: when people expect you to be available whenever they need you, take a step back and see if you truly feel happy to be there or you feel drained. If you feel the latter, then time to make adjustments like letting these people know you are only available to speak at certain times or days, or that you will get back to them when you can.
4. Become Your Own Best Friend
If you don’t like you, why should anyone else? That question itself is enough to start to treat yourself with love and kindness. Tell yourself how great of a person you are (no, not in the egoic way, in the compassionate way). Work on becoming your own best friend, and things will start opening up to be more of who you truly are. I wrote an in-depth post about this that you can read here.
5. Get a Therapist
Big ticket item here. But sometimes we are so stuck in our old ways that we don’t have the courage for change. This is where a therapist can help. This is one of the best things I did for my past and my future. And I highly recommend this when your focus is to better yourself. One of the best things about therapists is that they are not allowed to literally tell you what to do. They give you suggestive comments, ask you what you think you can do, and better yet, ask you to talk about your past. That’s where the breakthrough happened for me. When you stuff emotions and beliefs from your younger self down inside you, you will feel a frustration with moving forward. The sooner you verbalize and let things go, the easier it is to focus on becoming the better version of you.
Related: 3 Reasons to See a Therapist
In Conclusion
There are obviously a lot more things that you can do to help focus on yourself. However, starting with a few or all of things above will put you on the trajectory to becoming a better you. At the end of the day, you are worthy, you are important, you are a unique creation, you are loved, and you are love itself. Everything else is just noise. Those who cannot believe that you are being ‘selfish’ are in fact selfish themselves. Show them grace for they do not know what they do. Your true cheerleaders will stick by you through all parts of your journey. Evolution after all, is only natural. And evolution can only happen first with you.
What actions are you going to take to start your journey of focusing on yourself?
Featured photo courtesy of unsplash.com
