Making female friends when we were children did not seem as bad as making friends when you are an adult, amiright? I recently ran across an article about how women can be so *bleep to their female friends. And the writer coughed it up to women being competitive *bleeps, and just emotional. I don’t know if its luck or what, but most of my friends are great women from different backgrounds, ages, cultures. These women are strong and opinionated (without being pushy) and masters of their own lives. Some like me, have moved to a new country and pushed through every challenge with gumption. These women are my warrior community. I mean, did I luck out? Maybe.
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The more I think about this and started having conversations with my girlfriends about whether I was being naïve. Aren’t all women authentic with each other? Or am I living under a rock? General consensus was that I was in fact living under a rock.
So in an effort to change the narrative and hopefully help those who ask this question seemingly very often, I’ve written up a few points here. I think (and hope) these pointers will help you make and nurture strong female friendships that have solid foundations that last a lifetime.
1. Be Honest
I believe the best friendships are rooted in honesty. And that goes from the time you meet someone, not from weeks or months later. If it’s at a happy hour from work, or a biking group you found online, whatever the situation, always lead with honesty. The more you use that virtue, the more open and inviting you are to the other person. And if you start with this, the other person is going to resonate at the same frequency and meet you where you are, hypothetically. This is also the foundation that the two of you will stand on as the years build up your friendship wherever you end up.
2. Lift Her Up
Not literally. A secure person regardless of gender will know that everyone has their own race to run. And while you should be focused on your race, the only time you should focus on her race is when you are supporting her. If she is more successful than you are, be happy for her. Let her know how happy you are and that she’s an inspiration to you. Because deep down you know she is. If she is going through a tough time, let her know that you have got her back, regardless of what may come. I wrote another article on choosing female friendships and when to drop them. That article will show you how to know if a female friendship is good for you or has run its course.
3. Judge Much?
Why is it that we judgmental of our girl friends? Why do we expect so much more from them than we do of ourselves. If we just looked at all the things that were wrong in our own lives, and maybe even asked for help from our girlfriends, we’d be much better humans. And if you’re thinking, well she’s judgmental too, well great. Why don’t you start by not being judgmental towards her, and I am pretty sure she will respond to that with less judgements of her own. The worst thing we can do is judge someone for who they are.
They are literally on their own journey. Like you, they did not enter this world with a handbook on how to be a good, loving, kind, judgment-free woman. So give them a break. And you will feel so much better about using your time for more constructive activities like working on yourself.
4. Lending Hand
There is more than enough to go around in this world. We live in a world of abundance. The sooner you realize that, the sooner your life will change. If you live with the mindset of lack, you will be opposed to this giving out anything. This includes money, help, advice, and even food. The more you start supporting the leading ladies in your life, the more you will receive from them. This non-selfish attitude is primo when it comes to keeping a friendship with another woman. This is so because she can rely on you. And being able to rely on another woman in a time where we see a lot of competitiveness is warming. We have social media and our general society to do the job of judging us. So, knowing someone who feels your emotions and is there for you authentically, is substance for a lasting friendship.
5. Always Be There
Know that with any friendship and specifically female friendships, you have to go in knowing that each of you has your own life. Whether one person thinks the other is too emotional or makes wrong choices, that is not for you to judge (see: # 3 above). To build and keep strong friendships, you need to be there for your friends in any circumstance they are going through. And this is especially so in the tough times. It is often difficult for women to share their true feelings because they might lose that friend; don’t be that person. In times of need, great girl friends are often closer than family. If you are able to show your loyalty to your friends, you are a keeper and an honorable human.
Making and keeping strong female friendships doesn’t have to be so hard if we come to the table with no resistance to what may be. Building up other women will only build-up and enhance your life’s journey. Women are strong and resilient and come out of adversity faster if they have a strong female support system. Why don’t you take that first step and be there for her. And whether you came here to learn how to make new friends, these principles apply for enhancing and enriching you current female friendships too.
One of the things I am proud of is my strong female foundation and pillar of friends. I have relied on my female friendships and the experiences they have had to teach me how to open up my mind and walk through life.
Comment below if any of these suggestions have worked for you or not.
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