We all need a little love sometimes, and being kind to yourself is just as important, if not more! You need to be the person that gives love to yourself all the time (dirty minds X outta here :)) in a healthy way. We live in a society and upbringing that heavily relies on the love and acceptance of people around us. As babies and young children, we learn the concept of doing something good and getting rewarded by the adults around us. While this may make us feel warm and fuzzy, the only person who truly needs to show love and kindness to you, is YOU. And don’t get me wrong, it is good to have people around you who care, love, and dote on you but you need to be kind to yourself too. That’s what matters more. Let’s explore how.
1. I Love Me
It is important to love the care for the only body, mind, and soul you have and will ever have. Think of all the activities your entire human self does for you every day, and take time to thank it by expressing love. Every morning while you brush your teeth, look in the mirror and into your eyes, and repeat for as long as you brush your teeth, the words “ I love You”. Over time this will create a subconscious shift in how you look at yourself, how to perceive yourself, and how you project that onto others who perceive you.
Bonus here! Marisa Peer teaches that saying “I am enough”, will change your life completely. So if you get tired of telling yourself the words “I love You” (hopefully you don’t get tired), try this one too. And write it on your bathroom mirror too!
2. Review Your Flaws
Sometimes we think of ourselves are crappy people because we don’t have the perfect body or perfect career. Or worse yet, we are not as humorous as our siblings, or not as great a cook. While it is okay to acknowledge differences, we should shift the mentality from them being flaws, to them being differences. If you don’t have certain attributes, develop them if you can, if not – accept yourself as you are. Accept yourself with the knowing that you have other good or better attributes that you can focus on and emphasize. Know what your physiological and psychological make up is and magnify those areas that are good and positive. If we were all perfect, we’d probably be done with life.
The goal is to de-emphasize what is not perfect to us, and magnify what is. And know that everyone has differences (or what we previously called flaws), and everyone has something they are not happy with. Be kind to the current version of you and you will be steps away from seeing that kindness shine through.
3. Be Your Own Cheerleader
Looking outward for acceptance and validation can be a harsh way to live. So, while it always feels good when someone acknowledges what you have done, it is your responsibility to cheer yourself on. When you succeed at something, or complete a task you didn’t think you could, step back and have that conversation with yourself about how happy it makes you feel. Tell yourself that you knew you would get it done and that you have faith in yourself.
The problem with looking for other peoples validation is that they are not on your journey. So they wont understand what your mind and body went through to get to where you are. Doesn’t matter if it was whether a point in life, or a simple task that you completed. If you are happy with yourself, make sure you tell yourself that. The mirror technique above is an avenue to help you do this.
4. Forgive Yourself
A lot of people will look past this. We are often so focused on what other people did to us and how we need to forgive them. In that process we often forget there are hidden demons and ghosts of our past that we have. These issues have been imprinted on us since our childhood. These imprints are also something we need to forgive. In the process, think about your past and your childhood and remember things and words that had a negative impact on you.
Look at whether those things continue to cause strife in your life and prevent you from being.. kind to yourself. You know, things like having low self-esteem because one random aunt thought you were not as pretty/handsome as your sibling. Or things like anger that rages through you in every relationship. Look back to where that came from, if someone taught you that, acknowledge it and let go of it. Forgive all the times you acted from this subconscious or unconscious state. Every day tell yourself you forgive yourself for the things you know and the things that you don’t know. All of which are holding you back from showing that kindness towards yourself. And ask your God/Higher Intelligence/Universe to help you let go. Coz, you can LET GO.
5. Perfection is the Devil
Often times we are hard on ourselves for not getting everything perfect. This is a very unkind way of being towards your self. Our society is constantly telling us to be better than someone, or to just do better. Or that if we don’t have it perfected – then we are not that good, smart, or knowledgeable. While this may seem to be how we function, it is a very dysfunctional way of looking at life. Nothing in life is perfect – nothing.
If you look around you, you will see a constant effort to improve a past product or service or whatever. We have versions for everything. But at one time, that previous version seemed pretty perfect enough for you to use. You did not complain until the new version came out, right? Look at life the same way. Do what you can with what you have. But don’t strive for perfection because it will never come. And in the end you are holding back something that could be perfect in its current state. This is an act of knowing and being kind towards yourself.
6. A Body in Gratitude
While we never asked to be born into this lifetime, it is always good to think of what you have and who you are as a blessing. Constantly be grateful for every part of your body that functions to support your every move, literally. Thank your body for doing its thing inside without you having to really do anything but breathe and eat. Always give gratitude to what you put inside your body too.
Every morning you wake up, be thankful for another day and more air to breath. And say a prayer of gratitude for the food you eat in that day. As an exercise, look at your hands intently. Realize that that those palms and fingers help you do everything you do – EVERYTHING. Thank them. And do that exercise with the rest of your body parts. As Eckhart Tolle said, “ If the only prayer you say is Thank You, that will be enough”. Be grateful, and live from a place of gratitude always. That is you being kind to yourself and that kindness will overflow into your world.
Related: How to Be More Grateful
7. Treat Yourself
Everyone responds to positive reinforcement and so do you. And it is no different than when someone else gives you that reinforcement or you do it for yourself. When you are feeling low or even if you just accomplished something, know that you ARE WORTHY. You are worthy and you deserve something good. Take yourself out to the movies, or get that tub of Haagen Dazs. They are all acts of kindness towards your self.
In Conclusion
At the end of the day, you know who you are deep down inside. So work on being more forgiving and kinder to yourself. The more you practice this, the more your inner self will thank you. And the more your outer world will change into a warmer, kinder place.
What changes are you going to make to be more kinder to yourself? Comment below!
Featured photo courtesy of unsplash.com
